Yes, this is what I do with my life

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A private tutor.

What did the psychiatrist say to the man who walked into his office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap?
I can clearly see you're nuts.

What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.

What happens to a pastor who eats a chili dog?
He sits in his own pew.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs playing in leaves?
Russell.

A grasshopper walks into a bar.  The bartender says, "Hey!  We have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper says, "Why would anyone name a drink Bob?"

A horse walks into a bar.  The bartender asks, "Hey buddy, why the long face?"

What does a vegan zombie eat?
Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains.


There are many more, but I'll stop for now.


P.S.  Currently, at Chez Kringler, we're (I'm) working on the following:  Not shipping the children off to Idaho to live with Grandma and Grandpa on a semi-permanent basis, starting to do some canning, and randomly taking cover during violent summer storms.  My giant tomato plant (giant as in "taller than me") was knocked over last night, and took the smaller one with it.  I'm waiting to see if it lives...