One Year

It's been a year.  One whole year since Holly was diagnosed with celiac disease.  I feel like the anniversary should have been yesterday, because last year, we got the test results first thing Monday morning after Mother's Day.  Our doctor (bless him) was trying to get in contact with us all weekend, and we kept playing phone tag.  He called in his time off, even. 

When we were at Shepherd's Harvest (the fiber festival I look forward to every year) last year, I remember walking around in a kind of daze--because I knew what the results were going to be.  Why else would the doctor keep trying to call us?  And I knew at a gut level, too.  I just knew.  And I was looking at everything, wondering how Holly's life--our family's life--would be different.  It ended up being even more different than I thought it would be.

When we got the call Monday morning, the doctor told me the results, and I was immediately relieved.  Relieved?  Yes.  Because Holly's health was not good.  She was not growing.  She slept a lot.  She was very, very pale.  She ate very, very little.  And her body looked like a malnourished child from a third-world country.  I was so thankful that the doctor had suggested the test (we had been blown off by another doctor before), and that the test showed what we needed to find.  I was very excited.  That, of course, led to the rollercoaster of emotions that happen after your child's been diagnosed with a life-changing ailment.  But we got through it.  Mostly.  There are still those trying times every once in a while. 

I think the most difficult part of the whole thing has been realizing that there's no break.  No chance to just not check that label of food I'm putting in the shopping cart.  Or the next one, or the next one.  Even if I've bought that stupid food a bajillion times before.  We have to keep calling and emailing companies to see if the sunscreen I'd like to use is gluten-free, or if the cheese we'd like to have with dinner is safe.  No, it's not the end of the world, and yes, I am eternally thankful that I can do this to keep Holly healthy.  But that does not mean it isn't isolating and tiring.  And always wondering, in the back of your mind, if she's gotten gluten and just hasn't reacted--and that's dangerous for her health. 

This year, Holly is growing and thriving.  We do have a different lifestyle than we did before.  Mostly it involves a lot of planning and bringing food along with us, and we just don't go out to eat very often at all (once every few months, maybe).  But Holly has gained 11 pounds since this time last year, and grown 3 and 1/3 inches--so it's all been worth it.  I look at her and I see a growing, healthy, freckled little girl, full of life.  I'm so thankful for that.  I am so unbelievably thankful that I get the chance to watch my child grow up, healthy and strong.

What a year.